i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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