Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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