just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
