I think my fart just growled at me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
