He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize