yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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