He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
