i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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