i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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