Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
