You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize