Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
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how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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