I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
