I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
