I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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