I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we're making bets on your personal life
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
