And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
