....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize