Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
