This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
