I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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