im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize