just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
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So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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