I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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