She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
