i think i have two assholes
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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