my vag is so smooth its legendary
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
