i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
