I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
