ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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