We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
