someone threw a dead crab at me
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
