he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
