i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
