i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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