$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
