if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
