your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
