hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
