And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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