she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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