I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Be still, my beating vagina.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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