He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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