Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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