Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
