went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize