was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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