WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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