Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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