it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
