Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
