She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I look better un-naked...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
