I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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