i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
