I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize