rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
