I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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